412

I'm in need of adventures. Holidays are still a few weeks away, so I try to still my wander-hunger by watching many travel/science-documentaries, digging up pictures of almost-forgotten trips, searching for tickets I can't afford, and baking bread.
Baking bread is like an adventure on its own. Mixing and kneading until your hands hurt, waiting and watching as the dough rises (a magical thing if you ask me), shaping the bread and cutting the top slightly, watching it slowly split open as if it were alive, whispering sorry under your breath, putting it in the oven, and waiting again. The smell of baked bread starts to take over the smell of yeast. Knocking to see if nobody is home and then, unable to wait for it to cool down, taking a bite of a fresh warm slice of homemade bread. Lekker!

411

There are many names for colours. One name for a shade of yellow is Laser Lemon. It is a real great name for a yellow, but my favourite is always mustard, because most yellow things eventually turn into mustard things because of the dirt. And I really like mustard as a food.

At which age do we stop asking eachother about our favourite colour? The question used to rise so often, that it was always on my mind ('maybe purple is my favourite colour now.. or maybe I just stick with bloodred..').

What is your favourite colour?

401

What I enjoyed the most on summerholidays with my parents as a kid, was simply driving from one place to another. Long carrides of sleeping, reading, listening to music or simply staring out the window at the passing landscape.

This summer (and most resent summers), I've been having those same kind of rides, but instead of my family's car, I've let myself get transported and lulled into sleep by trains and busses and trams. Traveling back and forth between homes. Not completely by choice though.. I tend to forget stuff all the time and then I have to get back again. But I try to not be too annoyed by myself and just enjoy that I've finished two and a half books in two days.
Plus, it is a good practice in a way. In a bit more than a week, I'll make a 9(!)-hour traindrive to the south of Germany for a holiday filled with cheese, wurst, beer, mountains, lakes, sheep, germans, biking - and hiking-adventures and peace love and happiness. (ha!) I'm super excited.


ps. I also got a tumblr. I dont know why. Because I'm a modern girl!

397

Working, escaping, working, escaping. I spend a lot of time staring at my screen, staring out of trainwindows and staring up at windows of houses. The staring up should be kept to a minimum though, because I keep crashing into people / cars / lampposts.
Do you know how sometimes you spend so much time thinking in a certain way, that your brain adapts to this and uses it for other things as well? When I was doing my math-exams a couple of years ago, Everything I saw and heard was instantly made into some kind of graph or formula by my head. Right now I work on patterns inspired by windows and houses, so my mind is now kindly highlighting interesting parts, counting elements and drawing lines over everything I see..

385

The day of leaving Hamburg is getting closer and closer. Instead of counting weeks, I have to count days now. And although I try not to think about it too much, my head is silently checking off all the last time..'s, even though it is only a temporary goodbye. 

I am not too sad. I am enjoying my time here and appreciate all the wonders and the people who surround me here and whom I've come to love - as cliché as it may sound. But I know I will come back here someday, and now I am very much looking forward to seeing my friends back home again more often. Hamburg won't run away. One of the most charming things of this city is that she doesn't demand much of you, she just lets you be around and mostly that is already great. So I don't have to do lots of exciting, big things and instead just kind of spazier myself through these last days. 

And I really do think Hamburg and I have become good friends and, the way it goes with good friends, you don't have to see them everyday and if you must, you can just disappear for a while and then when you decide to return, they will be waiting for you with open arms as if nothing ever happened. 

381

I wish that I could write about how it was for me,
when I grew up among the mountains, wolves and redwood trees,
but I was never there, were you ever there?

I don't know why this feeling keeps on coming back to me
That I need to go into a place where I can see that things can be small,
even the trees, and the cars, and the roads and the houses and the other mountaintops
And the only thing that is big is the sky. 

(To All My Friends)

I actually dont like the mountains that much. Too high, too static, too dangerous in an uncomforting way. But I do love cities that feel like mountain landscapes: with towering buildings to make you feel small and with windows that look down on rooftops to make you feel like the queen of the world. With millions of paths and corners to discover and get lost in. And somewhere in between all of this enormousness, hidden away from everything and everyone else - a small, secret cave of warmth and comfort; surrounded by it all and yet completely isolated and on its own.

379

Oh the grey of this city is too much to bear
but I feared it even more when I saw it didn't last

Someone once told me he thought Hamburg was one of the greyest cities in the world. And maybe this year it was even greyer than usual. In 2012, Hamburg received the least sunhours in Germany and it is said that this has been the greyest winter in at least 60 years. Usually a German winter can enjoy about 150 sunhours, but this winter we had to do with a little more than 80 hours of sun.

When bad things happen to a family, people always say it will either tear them all apart, or make their bonds even stronger.
When winter falls over Eindhoven, I feel as if the arms that hold us together, start to shake and shiver and lets us all fall in pieces to the cold ground, but those same arms in Hamburg seem to just hug even tighter and tighter.
I don't want to leave Hamburg behind just when the summer is going to start, and I am not sure if I want to go through such a grey winter again next year, but I think being hugged by strong arms, even if they are the greyest arms in the world, is always better than slightly less grey arms who just let you fall.

I am seeing good friends in Eindhoven today, but I am hiding inside for a little longer, because the streets there are covered in snow. I hope spring will come and say hi to me again when I say my (temporary) final goodbyes in Hamburg in two weeks.

(the lyrics from Laura Marling, slightly changed to not get confusion of me putting thoughts in the head of the lovely boy on the second-last picture. And he is the one who gets credits for the final photo.)

374

We have a very beautiful classroom. There is a lot of white and a lot of light and a lot of big windows and this all makes me feel very calm, so I like working there. There is also a fox watching over us and a couch to read books and a coffeemachine to stay awake, so what more does one want?

369

Tegenlicht.

Two wonderful days in a perfect Dutch weekend with delicious pancakes and coffee and lots of love and being happy. There is no way to not sound sappy with this.
If you find yourself in Amsterdam, I strongly recommend you let the little boat take you to the new EYE Film Museum. Even if you dont like films or museums, you can just be happy sitting on the stairs, drinking coffee and enjoying the view like we did for hours.

& in other news. I passed my German test, which means I am now officially a German babe. But in reality I still feel like a mentally disabled toddler when I try to talk to people, and I still dont manage to always get the lunch I would like and I still get headaches when I spent too many hours trying to understand people.
On the other hand it is also fun to learn a new language. I discover funny words and then try to incorperate them in my stories and then if people look really weird, it obviously didnt work, but if they dont, you just have a new word! And I notice I can enjoy the language in a new way. I have favourite words which I like to use but then friends say only old ladies use these words, but I dont have these connotations so I can happily still use them. And German is the most non-sensemaking language I know but it is also hilarious most of the time. Das ist doch klar wie Kloßbrühe!

368

Cycling in the cold is not always great, but the amazingly beautiful view makes it all worthwhile. This is what I see on my way to school. I couldnt wish for a more beautiful route.
But how beautiful it may be, I still cant wait for summer and hopefully I will be able to sail a bit then!

Auf dem See, Goethe
Und frische Nahrung, neues Blut
saug' ich aus freier Welt:
Wie ist die Natur so hold und gut,
die mich am Busen hält!
Die Welle wieget unsern Kahn
im Rudertakt hinauf,
und Berge, wolkig himmelan,
begegnen unserm Lauf.

Aug', mein Aug', was sinkst du nieder?
Goldne Träume, kommt ihr wider?
Weg, du Traum, so gold du bist:
Hier auch Lieb' und Leben ist.

Auf der Welle blinken
tausend schwebende Sterne,
weiche Nebel trinken
rings die türmende Ferne;
Morgenwind umflügelt
die beschattete Bucht,
und im See bespiegelt
sich die reifende Frucht.

364

Hamburg ist immer noch megakalt & megageil (megakühl?)
Waiting with the family for photos to develop and waiting inside for the cold and the snow to go away and bring me light and bearable temperatures again. bitte bitte vielen dank.
On the plusside: I wear my Russiancoat a lot and combined with the cold and the greyness of the city, I feel like I'm living in a completely different era.

360

(the picture is my ghost in my hamburger school. Taken partly by my dad, partly by my mum; combined by my dad.)

The last post of 2012. Overall it was a very good year for me (a struggly start maybe, but it's all forgotten).

I think 2012 has been mostly about falling in love for me. With people, with places, with thoughts, with sounds, voices, words, letters, work, feelings, dreams.. Little love-affairs. I've been trying to enjoy them for as long as they would last; a few hours, a few weeks, sometimes longer. With falling in love always comes a little heart-ache and sadness, but that's okay. I've felt at home and completely happy so much more often than I ever did before. (maybe not when I was a baby, but kids are so much easier to please).

I can't be bothered to make lists of things I did, places I saw, people I met, movies I watched, etc. Although I've tried. But I met so many many amazing people this year and I'm very happy about that and I don't really know how many of those will read this, but if you do; I'm sending you a lot of love. And it's coming from my toes. That means I mean it. ♥
I hope you who read this, will have a wonderful new year with a lot of love in anykind of way.

358

I miss hamburg. Watching millions of Bored to Death episodes. Germans are so weird. Who would put a giant lion in his garden? It freaks people, like me, out in the middle of the night. 

Ah and merry christmas. I hope it's a good one for you :)

352

The sweetest birthday-morning (photo taken by flatmate Paul), stalking on Goethe and the Autumn windowview. From the inside looking out because the sun may shine, but the temperature is mostly too low for this cat. 

341

Hamburg favourites: word (digga!) and building

340

Hamburg under construction.

322

The artschool in Hamburg is amazing and magical and with many many secrets to discover and I can't wait to visit it every day and night! eep eep eep.

305

I just received my official letter of acceptance for half a year of Stage Design in a city where the rivers are filled with vegatarian hamburgers (at least in my dreams). All I need in life now is a nice place to live for a few months. If you know of anything, anyone, just let me know :). I figure if I just let as many people as possible know, maybe things will be easier.
Reto: what a cool name. 

293

The blisters on my fingers from using pliers are still visible. I saw a woman who took her hedge shears to a sleepover, in case there was something to prune. I will become friends with her and take her to the society of botanical artists exhibition.

283

 

The roof of the garage is still my favourite place in the world. The sounds are nice, the hurrying footsteps of passerbys down below, the thumping of the builders and every now and then a train, or a trumpet.